Vulnerability
by WriterLiz88
Summary: What happens to the crew in the night and days that follow(s), after leaving Mark behind? How do they cope? *UPDATED, Ch.2- Please Read and Review! I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments*
1. Chapter 1

Once upon the Hermes, the crew went their separate ways. Beck's hand found Johansen's, and he squeezed it. She reciprocated, but the lump in her throat made it impossible to even look at him, or else the tears would just fall. As many of the crew members went to the comfort of their bunks, to try and sleep this horrible day away, she had another idea. Grabbing her gym clothes, she headed down to the gym.

Running, for her, could solve most issues, but even today's problem was futile. Beth was exhausted. "Fuck," she muttered as she glanced down at the treadmill, which read she had only completed 15 minutes. She walked by the bunks, to which she could hear scattered sniffles, and into the shower to have her allotted ten minutes. Not that anyone would care today though, she reasoned. Stripping out of her clothes, she let the hot water run over her. Her legs almost buckled as she grabbed onto the wall for support, as the day's events ran unwillingly in her mind. Inside the privacy of the shower stall, Beth wept.

Not ready to go to bed yet, Johansen decided to make herself a cup of coffee. To her surprise, the red-haired Commander was at a table, head in-between her hands. Not so surprising was her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained face. Beth was caught off-guard a little. Of course Lewis had a right to be vulnerable, but she had never seen her commander so broken before. Lewis raised her head as she heard someone walk into the room.

"Sorry, Commander," Beth said. "I didn't mean to disturb.. did you need some privacy?"

Lewis shook her head. "I actually would like the company," she admitted. "How are you feeling?"

It was typical Melissa, Beth thought after the fact, asking how she was, when it was obvious that the commander was having some issues of her own.

"Shit," Johansen replied truthfully. "You?"

"Sums it up," Melissa said, biting her lip.

Johansen made a cup of tea instead, not sure how her body would react to the caffeine on such a high-filled adrenaline day. She looked down at her mug, nursing her tea slowly.

"I can't believe he's gone," Lewis said. "One minute he was there, and the next he wasn't."

"It's not your fault, Lewis. We would have done the same thing in that situation," Beth insisted, making eye contact with her leader. Their leader, who they all loved and respected. They knew the feeling was mutual. Usually Lewis' eyes had a twinkle in them, especially when Martinez and Whatney would playfully argue. She was their respected leader yes, but she was also a friend; the mother figure of the group. Today though, her eyes were hollow and sunken.

Commander Lewis shrugged in response. "It doesn't matter, I guess. Beck was right. He's dead by now."

Beth tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but the tears started to fill up anyways, as she wiped them away. "I can't imagine a world without Mark in it," she whispered quietly. Lewis looked at Beth. The two, without realizing it, had bonded merely over the fact that they were the only two women onboard. Although the whole crew was family to one another, it was Lewis that Beth could feel safe in explaining her feelings to.

"I know," Melissa said. Uncharacteristically, she reached out to squeeze one of Johansen's hands. "We just have to imagine him the way he was, not the way he died."

Beth nodded. "You're right."

Lewis stood up to place a hand on her friend's arm. "I'm going to try and get to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow and will have to report to NASA. Will you be okay by yourself?"

Her eyes, though swollen, were still full of concern.

"I'll be fine, commander." Beth said. She was sad, yes, but she didn't need to have someone supervising her in case she tried to OD, or self-harm, or whatever. "You?"

"No choice," Lewis said. "I've got a spacecraft to run and a family to look after."

"If you need to fall apart, you know, it's okay. We've got your back too," Beth said.

Lewis smiled, and initiated a rare hug. Beth sank into the human contact, as the two held each other for a moment.

"Thanks, kiddo," Lewis said, exiting the area.

Minutes later, Beth relented and went to her bunk. Tossing and turning, she finally gave up and went to the one bed she knew might offer her the comfort that she needed. "Beck? Can I come in?"

He opened the curtain, and let her in. She had never done this before, and neither had expressed any real feelings to each other, one way or another, but somehow the two just knew."Lay down with me," he said, wrapping her tiny body in his more muscular frame. "I'll be the big spoon."

Beth lay down, and listened to the sound of his breathing. They were lucky to be alive, she realized, noting to herself how close they too, had come to dying. She took in a deep and shaky breath. Chris noticed this and pulled her in closer to him, clutching her as if she was his lifeline too.

"Go to sleep, Beth," he whispered in her ear. "Just try, my love."

And so she did, for him. Her eyes closed as she drifted into an uneasy slumber.


	2. Chapter 2: Barely Holding it Together

Melissa Lewis awoke from her bunk, wondering how the hell she had gotten to sleep. She did, however, feel rested- despite her sticky cheeks indicating she had cried during the night.

Shit.

Peeking at the other bunks, she was surprised to find the other crew members not in them. Johansen, who hated mornings, wasn't there either. Melissa looked at her watch, and headed into the eating area.

She found the members of Hermes sitting quietly. Johansen was staring blankly out the window, at the stars. Martinez and Vogel were heating up something to eat, and Beck was silent from the other end of the table. They perked up, somewhat, as Melissa entered the room.

"Morning, Commander," Rick said, coming to join his teammates.

"How can you eat at a time like this?" Beck muttered gloomily.

Lewis took a seat next to Beck, and waited for the others to join her. Rick handed her a cup of coffee, which got a slight smile of thanks.

Vogel sighed. "Where do we go from here, Commander?"

Melissa was silent for a moment. "We have to get in contact with NASA, first of all. It's not going to be an easy email to write, but this is all because of me, and because I'm in charge, I have to write the email. Let me make it clear to all of you that this wasn't your fault."

Beck cleared his throat. "It was the right decision to make, Lewis. Nobody is blaming you for anything. If they do, we have your back. If Watney was alive.. he would say the same thing."

Lewis gave a slight, but unconvincing, nod.

"I'm giving you all a day off," she said. "Do what you need to do. If you need or want to talk, my door is always open."

"The same goes for you, Commander," Rick said. "You're in charge, but you're also part of this crew."

Melissa swallowed the lump in her throat. "Thanks, Rick. Anyone else have anything they'd like to discuss?"

"This might be a load of crock," Beck said, "but I was trained a little in how to deal with something like this. Anyways, I'm obliged to tell you that it's okay to let your feelings out and that it might take some time to deal with the fact that Watney is dead. Everyone grieves in their own time and way, and there is nothing wrong about this."

Johansen rolled her eyes. "How insightful."

"Really," Vogel agreed.

Beck held up his hands in surrender. "I'm just giving the spiel I have to give. Doctor's orders."

"Okay, Beck," Lewis said. "I have to send this email off immediately, so you all are off duty as of right now."

She walked out of the room, and into the "tech lab," as Johansen affectionately called it, sighing as she pulled up her email. Where to start? How could she possibly send this email off? Half an hour later, after typing and deleting various sentences, she growled a little and slammed her hand on the desk.

"Problems?" Rick Martinez appeared at the door. He was unusually serious, which under the circumstances was understandable, although it made Lewis slightly uncomfortable.

"You know, I've known you two years, and this is the first day that you haven't made a joke."

Rick shrugged. "There's nothing to joke about today."

Melissa ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "I have no idea how to send this email off."

Vogel appeared at the door. "Can I help?" he asked. "I'm good with stating facts."

"Be my guest," she said. "Do you want to sit?"

Both men shook their head. "Okay," Lewis said. "Where should we start?"

 _Teddy,_

 _There is no easy way to put this. Yesterday afternoon, the Hermes Crew encountered a severe storm and were forced to evacuate. While walking to the vessel, Mark Watney was struck by a piece of flying debris and his telemetry signals were cut off. He is presumed dead. I, Commander Lewis, had to make the decision to get the rest of the crew off Mars. We are safe, but understandably, this is a difficult time. Please be in contact with any questions you might have and I will do my best to answer them._

 _Thank you,_

 _Commander Lewis, on behalf of the Hermes crew._

Lewis sighed as she hit "send," and looked at the two men standing beside her.

"Thanks, you guys," she said softly.

"Anytime, Commander," Rick said, squeezing her shoulder. "Need anything?"

"For yesterday to never have happened, that would be nice," Melissa said, her shoulders tightening.

"Ja," Vogel agreed. "We'll give you some time alone, Lewis. If you need anything we can do.."

"Danke," Lewis said, forcing a smile. The two exited.

 _What the hell to do next?_


End file.
